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i had a dream about her last night.

everything was as they are now. she- happily married. me- short hair. the only difference was that we were friendly. we spoke as if it mattered. and for those brief moments, we both said all the right things. no joking smiles to hide my pain. no cutting sarcasm to mask her dissapointment.

"you cut your hair. it looks nice"

"thanks. i got lost getting here... had to walk."

"all that way? it's raining."

"not so bad. how is everything?"

"good. i'm happy."

"i know. i've missed you."

"i know..."


i may have made a grave mistake forcing myself back into one piece. i thought i could keep it this time, but i suppose they are too strong for me. though they won't come back it seems, and i'm not sure which is more frightening.

who am i kidding. i'm still broken. still making a pathetic show of myself. but this is the only way to get it out. i don't feel right talking to anyone about her. i don't feel like i deserve to. it's my own fault.

i thought that i could maybe pretend, be like i was, not make myself visible. just going numb.

guess i never learn. and she'll hate me a little more for it. if she even has that for me.


"... but it's okay."

that's how it ended.


hey, it wouldn't be a dream without somewhat of a "good" ending.


heyy.. you seem broken. I feel like.. im invading. But I hope that maybe one day you'll find it in yourself to let go.
I feel even horibble for commenting because i know that i know nothing of the situation.
Just wanted to wish you luck.  


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