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why wasn't i smart enough to fix it?
so blind i couldn't see my life pushing away.
to numb to feel the cutting of her tears.

every piece of me shakes now. inside.
i've masked away from all else. only she knows where i am.
but i've tricked her into forgetting me.

mistakes make you stronger that part of me says.
i don't trust him anymore.

loss makes the world valuable smiles the other face inside.
i hate him for it.

they keep me awake at night. each of me whispering at an ear.

they only seem to quiet when i listen.
and then all i hear is the creaking shreds of me dying in two.

i try to sew fast.
but keep pricking my finger.
nothing comes out.
only images of a patchwork fool. a twisted scarecrow.
naked of straw. weather torn by my beloved regrets.

why wasn't i smart enough to fix it?

or dumb enough to close my eyes now.

i won't lie, smiles come and go since you went away. but they're just not quite the same anymore.

you were always there and i missed you.

there are still ghosts of you that linger here, and when i see them i smile and we laugh and play. but then i remember, and welling up i miss you all over again.

ne me quitte pas.


i hope you can make it home someday.